Thursday, October 21, 2010


Had a really messed up dream last night, just have to write it down, perhaps I will quit thinking about it before I go to bed now. I warn you now, it's messed up.
I drempt that I had failed, horribly. I looked like I was in the civilian world, but I kept thinking that the military was part of it. For my failure, I had to kill myself. Now, I'm not sure if in the dream that I was told to do it, but I remember feeling that it was obligated. Much like a Samurai committing sepiku (ritual suicide for failure to protect his master). Here is the freaky part, I felt that if enough people wanted me to live, that I wouldn't have to do it. But everyone was completely indifferent. Couldn't care one way or the other. I wandered around everywhere, dreading killing myself. Finally, it was apparent that I would have to do it. I drank Hemlock, and I remember thinking that was how Socrates killed himself. Here is where it gets really freaky. I am dying, slowly fading out, scared. And I remember, this is a dream, this one is over, and the next one will start thank God. But it didn't. I stopped "dreaming", and only experienced blackness, and nothing.
Let me tell you, that is one hell of a way to start a day! No, I am not suicidal, have no intention of hurting myself. well, maybe a few brain cells with some alcohol. So don't worry, I'm not gonna do something stupid. But that is a messed up dream. I will figure out what it means to me at some point.